I won’t bury the lead here. If you’re in a serious, committed relationship, I think you should get a couple’s boudoir photo shoot.
Tiana and I have done two and they’ve both been incredible experiences.
Of course, I’m thrilled with any chance I get to see her dolled up in lingerie. But there is so much more value to these photo shoots than you might think.
Up front - your photographer makes all the difference.
I’d fly across the country to get shots with Tiffany Griffith. She makes Tiana feel safe and beautiful. And that’s the most important part.
Plus, this should be a special thing. It’s worth the cost and planning to do it right. Find a high quality photographer on Instagram and see if you can book.
Or ask them for a referral to someone nearby. People in the business know what quality is.
And you can always message the people in the picture to ask what the experience is like. Just because the picture looks good doesn’t mean the shoot was pleasant.
Also, if the photographer puts pictures of real people up (aka, not photoshopped plastic magazine models) that’s a good sign.
But let me list out a few reasons why I think you should absolutely do this.
First, it puts you in an intimate setting without the normal pressure of intimacy.
You are with the person you love. You can look at their details, smell them, feel them, and enjoy them. Being seen and held by your lover is so healing.
Besides, the alternative of hiding under baggy clothes and only having sex in the dark after a few drinks isn’t a recipe for a healthy relationship.
The point of a relationship is to grow. And intimacy is hard because we all come at it from different places. This can help get you back on the same page.
It's OK if it's uncomfortable at first. The right photographer will guide you into a more relaxed mindset.
Second, you can only be what you can see.
We get so used to seeing life through our own perspective that we rarely get a chance to see ourselves. And we can’t see our relationship from the outside when we’re in it.
A great photographer will bring out parts of you and your partner that have been forgotten over the years.
That spark that caught your eye at the beginning grows dull when you see them every day. We take the people we love most for granted and romance dies.
But I don’t recommend doing this if you’re not serious about your partner. There’s a reason you’re not committed and it’ll show in the pictures. You can’t hide those eyes.
Third, it gives you beautiful artwork for your bedroom.
After our first shot, I had four of my favorites printed out on 2 foot by 3 foot canvas frames to put in our bedroom. I think it’s really important to make your home a fortress.
I don’t watch porn and work hard to keep my mind free from those types of images. There is only one woman who lives in my head rent free.
It’s nice to have pictures of her that are for my eyes only.
Plus, when we go to bed, these are a reminder of our happiest and best selves. Young at heart, healthy, and deeply focused on one another.
It’s hard to argue about silly stuff under those pictures.
Fourth, it’s an incredible exercise in self confidence.
Yes, you’re in underwear in front of someone new. Yes, you’re in full lighting in front of your partner. Yes, you are letting someone take pictures of your hidden side.
These all can make you want to shut down and run away. But if you do that, you turn away from your partner and your best self.
If you’re with someone that actually loves you, they’re not paying attention to your blemishes. They’re overwhelmed with admiration for all that is you.
When you let your insecurities rule your life, you push away the people who want to love you most. It’s a limiting belief that makes you feel unlovable.
Of course, if there are things you know you’ve been lazy about, fix them. Being comfortable isn’t an excuse to slack on diet, gym, and personal care.
But do those things out of appreciation for the wonderful body you get to live in. And for appreciation of the real life human that chooses to be with you.
I have watched Tiana make huge steps in her self confidence over the four boudoir shots she’s done with Tiff. It’s scary at first but you transform when you embrace it.
Last, it gives you something to get in shape for.
Our last shot was at the end of October, so we used it as an excuse to take Sober October seriously. It gave us extra motivation to cut out sugar and trim things up.
The pictures will last a lifetime, so dropping 10 pounds beforehand is well worth it. And we all know that it’s hard to get the ball rolling if you don’t have a reason too!
I’m not advocating for starving yourself. But the relationship weight gain is real. If you know you’d need to get your butt moving if you were single again, why wait to start?
Nothing says “I appreciate you” more than taking care of yourself so that you can show up to your relationship healthy, whole, and energetic.
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I think this is one of the absolute best things you can do to celebrate your relationship.
Life is too short and beauty is too fleeting to let it go to waste.
Of course, different seasons have their own flavor of beauty. But being young, healthy, and fertile certainly has it’s appeal.
The first time may be a little awkward as you get used to letting someone capture your intimate space. But as you relax into the moment, magic happens.
And once you see that first picture from the photographer, you’ll know what I mean.
You will not regret this.
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